I Don't Identify as a Catholic But I Follow Lent and I Like Plantain Muffins.

We're ten days into Lent. We, as in 1.2 billion Catholics and me.

And my daughter for the first time.

As the title of this declares: I do not identify as Catholic. I don't align myself to any religious group. If anything, you could possibly pigeon-hole me as an Animist as a spiritual identity if you must, but that's not even entirely correct.I have tried organized religion. Growing up, we were sort of CEO-type Catholics-- Christmas and Easter Only attendees at the church-- and even then, we missed years. I have to say, Christmas Eve mass at the Catholic church is one of the most beautiful events. The candles, the hymns, the most uplifting of scriptures. I enjoy it for the ambiance and the theatrics.

But, in a strange turn of events when I was 15, I decided that I should wholeheartedly take a serious try at joining the church: I decided to be Confirmed and to receive my First Communion (or the Eucharist). I don't know where it stemmed from, I don't know why I had a sudden interest in it, but there I was, at 15, along with my mom (everyone else had their moms there), at Sunday school for 8 weeks with a group of 7 year olds.

Yep. I was twice the age of those who normally go through these rituals. In the Catholic church there are 7 sacraments or stages: Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist (communion), Penance (confession), Anointing of the Sick, Matrimony, and Holy Orders. I had been baptized as a babe, as most Catholics are, but Confirmation is about the free choice to join the church when you are older, at 7 or 8.

I really enjoy looking back at the juxtaposition of my life at that point: Monday through Friday, life was all about friends, boys, and gossip, Friday and Saturday night consisted of parties and less-than-religiously-approved activities (A quick "Hi!" to my Moma and Dad reading this), and on Sundays, I was in the basement of our church learning the children's version of The Lord's Prayer (which is missing about 3/4 of the words, by the way).

On the day of my Confirmation, being the oldest, I had to carry a giant lit candle behind the Father and his 6 foot-long-train up to the front of the church. All I could think during the procession was, "what if I light the Father on fire!?"

And then I stumbled.

Let me tell you, it was the scariest experience of my life. My heart literally stopped.

But I made it through. And during the ceremony, as if it wasn't obvious enough since I towered over these kids, the Father made special notice of me to the congregation, making me stand front and center, as he expressed his pride and love of me for coming to the Church at such an advanced age. I hate being exposed and at that moment, every fibre of my being wanted to run. Maybe it was that moment that turned me off of organized religion because truthfully, I've barely been back since. We did go as a family a few more Sundays after that, but eventually, we stopped going all together and I'm okay with it. I gave it an honest try, but it's not for me.

No judgement to others, and I truly hope, no judgement towards me. Live and let live.

My parents never pushed religion on me, they let us discover and explore it on our own. I'm still discovering and exploring as an adult. We have never pushed religion on our daughter either. If she has questions, we answer them openly.

She asks "what does the word "God" mean?" because she hears it often in speech. And we've talked about it. "What happens when things die?" And we discuss every point of view we can think of. "What makes things?" And again, every religious or not-religious explanation that I know of is explained. I want her to find her path like I have through trial and error. It's a fascinating and extremely personal journey.

One thing I've failed at, clearly, is actually describing organized religion to her, not on purpose, but just as an oversight. Last summer, we were discussing "ch" words making the "cha" sound, like in Charles. She asked what other words start with "ch" and I said "church" and she replied with "no, mommy, real words." Oops.

So through all this, as I'm clearly not a Catholic, why do I practice Lent? I love the sentiment behind it. The idea of giving up something, of sacrificing a comfort to teach you strength of mind. I won't get into the actual religious teaching associated with it, but that's what I take from it. And this year, I decided to include my daughter in the next forty days.

As part of my schooling and life-outlook, a strong body made from good foods, exercise, rest, and nature is essential. My daughter knows this as well as she knows that movies come with popcorn. It's kind of a given. But we've never really discussed the mind and its need of strength. Those same four things that give us a strong body, also give us a strong mind, but as the mind is ethereal it also needs to be challenged by mental exercises. We strengthen our minds by challenging our habits, allowing us to grow mentally. Hence Lent.

This year, we chose packaged food products or convenience foods. Things my daughter calls "treats," and she's right. In my laziness during the last few weeks of winter when making it through the day takes all my mental energy, coupled with feeling unwell thanks to this tiny growing babe in me, our reliance on grabbing things from cafes, grocery delis, or frozen foods was at an all time high. I don't like how it feels and neither does my daughter. So when I explained Lent to her as a time to give up something to make our minds stronger and asked her what she thought we should give up, her quick answer was treats. We definitely share thoughts sometimes.

No more grabbing muffins when we're running around, no more driving to the little store by our house for a meal, no more restaurants when I'm being lazy, no more treats and goodies from grocery stores.

Buuut because this is her first year and I am pregnant and hormonal, I did add a caveat to our Lent: If we make it, we can eat it. I'm not talking about whipping up a triple layer chocolate cake with ten pounds of frosting, but homemade baked goods, using whole ingredients like we normally do, are totally okay. I just want to break the habit of relying on less-than-wonderful food stuffs during our busy days and get back to the basics of prepping snacks and meals. Being a nutritionist may be my one-day job, but I'm still human and even I fall into old habits occasionally.

And that's honestly okay. I know my reasons for eating how we have been, it was one less stress in my life and it was a point of survival some days, but now that the season has changed, I feel good again, and my body craves whole foods, it no longer serves me to eat that way and change is happening.

So here we are.

And my daughter is killing it. She is actually the backbone of this operation. I almost caved. I had a bag of these chocolate covered nuts and seeds in my hands and I was SO tempted. I knew I was hungry. Don't grocery shop hungry. But she shrieked, "mommy, that's a treat! It's Lent! We aren't eating treats!" and she stared me until I put then back. We finished our shopping and ate apples on the way home. I'm so proud of her resolve to see this through.

These muffins are a favourite in our household. They were originally inspired by the True Food Kitchen, a restaurant in the States, who made a cookbook that I happened to buy at Homesense a few years ago. I've changed them up and made them fit my taste and food ideals. And I added plantains.

I love plantains. I love roasting the green ones into chips to eat with guacamole, I love barbecuing the yellowy-green ones straight on the grill as a snack, and I love baking with the yellowy-brown ones like in this recipe. They aren't as sweet as bananas and have more starch, and because of their starchiness, they lend themselves better to baking by adding structure, especially needed in flourless things like these muffins.

The key to this recipe turning out fluffy, full-sized muffins is to whip the eggs, plantains and dates until they double in volume. Like this:

This whole recipe can be made in the food processor. What can I say, I love my small appliances. And I'm lazy.Almond flour in the food processor? Check.

Shredded carrots? Check.

Whipping the wet ingredients without breaking a sweat? Check.

These muffins are hearty things. Usually one is a decent first breakfast for me. Or a perfect grab-and-go afternoon lull pick-me-up. They are full of fibre and healthy fats, but they are calorie dense given that they are made almost entirely of nuts. Don't go eating half a tray in a day, no matter how delicious they are. They're reminiscent of morning glory muffins, so sure, feel free to add some raisins if that's your thing.

Plantain Almond Muffins Makes 24

1 1/4 cups (about 10) medjool dates
Hot water

2 cups almond flour (I just grind 2 1/4 cups of almonds myself, as seen above)
2 tsps. baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tbsp. cinnamon
1/2 shredded unsweetened coconut
3 tbsps. ground flaxseed
2 medium carrots, grated
3 large eggs
2 overripe plantains
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
2 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 cup chopped walnuts

1.) Pit the dates and place them in a small bowl. Pour enough hot water to mostly cover them all. Smush them into it. Set aside. Preheat the oven to 325. Grease or paper your muffins tins.*
2.) If you are grinding your own almond flour, do so now in the food processor. Make sure to stop grinding before butter starts forming. Empty into a large bowl.
3.) Add the baking soda, salt, cinnamon, coconut, and flax to the almond flour.
4.) Grate the carrot, either in the food processor or on a box grater. You do you. I'm lazy.
5.) In the food processor, add the eggs, the plantains, the vinegar, the vanilla, and the dates. Run on high for a minute or two until the volume doubles, as shown above.
6.) Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and mix gently but quickly so you lose as little air as possible.
7.) Pour into your greased or papered muffin tins and bake for 40-50 minutes until they're golden and cooked through, testing with a toothpick.

*I cannot stress enough the importance of greasing or papering the tins with this recipe. It's a pain to get out of muffin tins if you don't. Ask my husband. I am the bane of his existence when I make muffins and don't paper or grease. If there's ever a divorce between us, you can be sure that it'll be cited as a reason. Save your relationships, paper your tins.

And now you have delicious muffins that freeze really, really well. I made these when I was nursing my daughter to keep my energy levels up and the ravenous hunger of nursing at bay and I intend to make a whole thwack of them before this one is born.

And can you believe it?! Spring is FINALLY here. Mud puddles galore!

And just in time for spring break. I know we'll basically be living outside this week.

I cannot wait.